HOW TO PISS OFF PEOPLE BASED ON THEIR ZODIACS

I’m in a cheeky mood, so…

Aries – Place someone above them. Be first to get what they want. Turn everything into a contest and win. Call them a coward. Make them wait.

Taurus – Hide or damage their valuables. Use their stuff without first asking permission. Take their money. Starve them. Give them food that looks, tastes or smells unpleasant. Give them a gaudy or cheap gift.

Cancer – Accuse them of overreacting or being too sensitive. Mistreat their family. Take away their security blanket.

Gemini – Spill liquid on their gadgets or books. Make them wait to hear a juicy tidbit of information (especially if they’re the last to know). Whatever they tell you, respond with “Oh that? That’s old news.” Solitary confinement with 0 distractions or entertainment. Have no “street smarts”. Successfully con them.

Leo – Don’t compliment them. Ever. Compare them unfavorably to someone else. Be stingy with affection. Embarrass them in public. Force them to live in poverty or take away their luxuries. Question their principles.

Virgo – Rearrange their ____ – repeatedly. Silent treatment. Present them with things, tasks or people that they can’t organize or fix. Correct or double-check them. Question their know-how or attention to detail. Take away all of their research paraphernalia.

Libra – Ignore etiquette. Decide that they’re unattractive. Point out their flaws with an audience. Put them in situations where they must make a decision quickly on limited information.

Scorpio – Expose and/or analyze their secrets (in private or public). Don’t fall for their manipulations. Successfully manipulate or humiliate them. Don’t have sex with them.

Sagittarius – Complain incessantly. Sweat the small stuff. Never make, understand or laugh at a joke. Remove their options. Have no common sense.

Capricorn – Be lazy. Ruin their plans or their reputation. Question their authority. Remind them that they’re not the boss or that they have a boss.

Aquarius – Make a good case for why their friends, ideas, values or tastes are predictable, boring and common. Question their intelligence or treat them as an intellectual inferior.

Pisces – Give them lots of responsibility and deadlines. Then apply some pressure. Belittle their dreams. Be unkind. Stereotype. Negatively judge them and everyone else around them. Make them face (a dreary, hopeless, practical) reality.